Holiday Greetings

I hope this message finds everyone at peace and feeling Gods love during this holiday season.

Our family has just returned from a week in New York to celebrate Christmas. Manhattan was so magical - it is the best way to describe it. We checked into our hotel at dusk the night of the 17th and we were welcomed by the most beautiful scene of central park, the horse drawn carriages, and the hustle of holiday shoppers on Fifth Avenue. We of course immediately went for a pizza dinner and finally - in that moment of sitting and waiting for the pizza - hit us that we were in New York, during Christmas, with each other. It was a moment of intense gratitude for what we have...

The next week was a wonderful mix of reflection and fun. We went ice skating on central park, toasted Beverly with her favorite Starbucks mocha on 5th avenue, saw a few plays, visited the tree on Rockefeller center and the rockettes at radio city music hall for their Christmas spectacular. The window displays were unbelievable, the statue of liberty - the same as always, they should change her outfits every once in a while. The empire state building was lit up in red and green. Jacob and Rudi got on the Today show, Jacob in his Santa suite, with very creative phrases on their signs in the hopes of getting picked up by the TV cameras. Rudi, of course came up with all the phrases:

> Rudi's sign: "If 3 wise men can see a star then why can't I?"
> Jacob's sign: "I'm freezing my jingle bells off for you Katie!"
> Krystle's: "No dumb blonds on the Today show, thank you Katie for being a good 'Mole Rodel' for us! ;-)"
> Jaclyn's: "All I want for Christmas is your two front seats!"

Rudi and Jacob then got picked up off the street of Time Square by a limo to go be guest on the queen latifah show while Jordan and I were left in the dust because children were not allowed! Rudi had no problem leaving the baby at 42nd street - surprise what stardom will do to people.

On 5th avenue we had a few star spottings: Ricky Martin, Jerry Springer, and Sandra Bernhart. Rudi swears she saw Eddie Murphy in a homeless outfit, I think not (trading places movie character he played many years ago for those of you unaware of the joke).

Mom went to church at St. Patrick’s cathedral, we all lit candles for Bev and dad. One day she disappeared for 7 hours without checking in once! ;-) Finally after dark she came sauntering in with one little bag of candy for the kids. We asked what she had done all day, and she said just looking at all the beautiful stores decorated for the holidays. She's getting very use to her new life of independence.

We met up with some wonderful friends who heard that we were going to be there. My friends from Queens spent a lot of time with us and made us a wonderful Italian dinner. Our other friends took us to the MarkT for a trendy dinner spot and told us about their lives in the NYPD. One a homicide detective in Spanish Harlem, the other a beat cop. Another friend walked around 5th avenue with us telling us about her life as a window display designer for Gucci and Saks. It was nice to talk about other peoples lives for an entire week.

We woke up our final day in New York and had brunch at the plaza on Christmas eve day. It was unbelievable. Jacob video taped the experience it was so beautiful.

We bought Bevy some chocolates at her other favorite place, Godiva and ended the trip by visiting her gravesite and leaving the gold box in its glittery gold bag at her grave next to a live Christmas tree and other flowers that some of you had left for her and my dad. As we walked away we could hear her saying, "What are you doing! Someone is going to steal those incredible chocolates and I'm not going to be able to do a thing about it!"  :-)  We left them anyway - I've always told her not to worry so much about what other people do, if they want it, then let them have it and god bless them - she can't eat them anyway!! -- God I miss those conversations with her...

We got home, after a 6 hour flight on a full airplane without a hitch. Jordan was perfectly behaved, krystle met a friend and Jacob got the best seat on the plane. Anna, Walt, Grandma Evans, Dale, Pat, Judy, Martin and David were all waiting for us at our home with a wonderful meal and the house decorated in both Hanukah and Christmas.

As we prepared to eat, Jacob was upstairs going through the mail. We heard a yell of praise and thanks from his room. He had just opened a letter from Brown University, he had been accepted into one of the most prestigious colleges in the country. God is so good.

It was a wonderful night of family, sharing and Thanksgiving.

                    ******

On Christmas day I woke up, walked around the quiet house, sat down by the Christmas tree, closed my eyes, and was immediately brought to the last 24 hours of Beverly's life.

By 2:30pm Friday December 8th so much had happened and was happening. We had made it through the most frightening night of Beverly's illness. We had learned what medications to give her to keep her body calm during the transition she was going through. The most significant love of her life, Pedro, was on a plane to the US to be with her and Jacob. Lori had given her a pedicure. The hospice nurse had washed her hair and shaved her legs with such tenderness and love. Many friends and family had visited her. We were preparing for her second night at home. She had not been awake since coming home. She could not see the Christmas tree that we had decorated for her or the view from her bed looking out to our backyard and the winter birds and bare trees that greeted her that morning. But she could hear all the love and conversation that was going on. Many people came by with food and gifts for the family. By 9:30pm the house was filled with people.

Pedro showed up and went straight to her side - and never really left her until her last breath. At one point during the night I was standing at the foot of her bed and looking at the two beautiful men that were standing by her. Jacob to the right - Pedro to the left. Their hands, identical, stroking each of her arms in the exact same way - I will never forget that moment. The love that these 2 men had for her. The man that Jacob had become was so much his father. So much of what her life was about was right there - captured in the two of them. And I knew, right then, that everything was complete in her life - everything was perfect, she was ready to go home.

I looked over to the couch, with the Christmas tree all lit up, and saw all my/our dear friends, rach, pati, kel, lori, rudi, others, having some intellectual, heated conversation and thought that this is exactly the kind of conversation Beverly would have loved. They were all curled up on the couch and floor with their coffee, tea, munchies, ready for a long night of conversation. I went over to join it for a few hours and then left them at about midnight to get a few hours sleep. As I drifted off I could hear their laughter and knew how happy that was making Beverly. They talked until 3:30am and then some went home and others fell asleep right there, overlooking bevy.

I woke up early that next morning, 4:30am. I went downstairs to relieve a woman, an angel, from St. Raymond’s who had offered to spend the night with Bev that night. She was an ICU nurse who had retired and offered to sit with Bev for as many nights as we needed her to. We had never met her before but there she was allowing my mom and I to confidently rest, knowing that Bev was in good hands. I thanked her, walked her to the door and said goodbye knowing I would not need her that next night.

I sat hugging Beverly for about a 1/2 hour sharing with her and remembering all the wonderful memories of our lives. And thanking her for everything that she was to me. I then woke Lori up and told her that it was time for her to go be with Beverly alone. That it would probably be the last time she would have to be with her. Next I woke Rudi with the same suggestion. Everyone started waking up around 8am and I explained to my mom that I believed that today would be the day and asked if she was ready. Can we ever be ready? Even after 4 months of critical care and 3 months prior to that of Beverly slowly becoming a different more simple person - was I ready? Not yet.

At 8:30 Bob and Frank came to build the elevation for Beverly’s bed because it was to low for my mom and I and our backs were starting to give out trying to care for her. There were 5 of us working on that bed for about an hour and all I could think of was how she would be smiling because we were making such a fuss over her. At one point the entire bed was being held by 5 people up in the air and I thought, only for you Bev... her body didn't stress during all this work, she must have trusted us completely not to drop her.

At one point in the early afternoon Jacob offered to make a Starbucks run, he told his mom if she woke up he would buy her a mocha. She didn't. Pedro went with Jacob, Julie showed up during that time and sat with Bev. Rudi and Rach were playing scrabble I was watching. Bev’s breathing was getting more labored. Mary and Tim came in and offered to sing songs to her. I went to Beverly's side and worked with everyone to try and find a position that would make her more comfortable and not have her struggle so much to breath. She continued to get worse.

Julie called the nurses to ask advise. She gave the nurse information about her symptoms, her body changes. The nurse asked if we wanted her there, I didn't. I was told to give her some more medications. So, I turned around to fill up the syringe with double the normal dosage of morphine, I then turned back around and took her face in my hands, looked at her, and I knew -- it was time. The only thought that came to me was, "Your leaving me." and it all hit me, every moment, every second of fighting for her life for the last 4 months was about to end. I sat there for about 10 seconds just sobbing for my loss. Her spirit was leaving her body, I felt it happening. My mom asked if I wanted her to give Bev the medication. I thought about it and decided NO I was going to continue our journey together until the end. I knew it was the last morphine I would have to give her, I knew it was the last time I would hold her precious face alive, I knew, and I was ready.

Julie pulled Jacob, Pedro, Rudi, and my mom in the kitchen and told us that she had a sense that some of us had not told Beverly that it was OK to go. Jacob and my mom said that they had not yet. Julie suggested that they go do so, because she sensed Beverly was holding on for that. Jacob went first, and then my mom. I walked back to the bed and there was beautiful music playing in the background with voices singing, many of Jacob's friends had shown up, my brother walked in as my mom was hugging Bev goodbye, Lori walked in as well. There were so many hands on Beverly and so many people standing around filled with love for Beverly and our family. Her breaths were getting further and further apart. Jacob, after letting her go, had went to the piano and began playing for her, we asked that someone go to him and let him know to come back. He finished his song and then rejoined us all. As I held her hand all that came to me was how incredibly beautiful she was, she still was, and I told it to her over and over again. There were well over 30 people in that room encouraging her with their own words, the room was filled with a gentle hymn of voices so clear, so full of love directed at Beverly. I have no idea how long that moment went on. But as I held her hand and watched her last inhale, her last exhale and then the final release I knew that we had all given her the most glorious passage to her new life.

I then turned and hugged my brother and mother - my small precious family - for the first time since this journey began on July 23rd at 3:00pm. It felt so good to finally let go and let someone in again and to allow myself to feel. I had been so focused on keeping it together, on not losing control that I had not allowed myself to completely let go - ever. To express the emotions regarding my fathers death, to mourn the loss of the sister that I once had. And so, I began that process and it is good, but mostly I focus on the incredible gifts I’ve been given during this season of change: new friends whom I’d never have met if Beverly and dad were still here, my brother coming home and being such a wonderful support for my mother, learning how to ask for help, and learn how to gracefully accept it. But mostly in truly seeing the love of God through all of the people who have been praying for us, sitting with us, listening to us, sharing their time with us. I have never seen such an amazing outpour of love in all my life. Thank you for that to all of you.

********

Mom is back at her home, Jacob will continue living with and becoming apart of my family, my brother is still going to school for his MSCE certification. This week we begin the process of moving Beverly and Jacob’s things out of their home. I will finally continue to write the story that has been put on my heart to write about my family, my dad, and whatever else it becomes over the next few months.

Thank you again, to all the people that have been there for us, unbelievable angels, so many, to many. We love you all and trust that God will continue to bless you and lavish you with his love in the coming year.

The Mullins Family

- Dianna, Rudi, RoseMarie, Pat, Jacob, Krystle, Jaclyn & Jordan.

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The Website: www.lafpdl.com
I’ve added the eulogy’s from Bev’s service to the website along with some pictures. I will add chapters from the book periodically, and our pictures from New York once they are developed. I still hope to use the site as a place to distribute the work of my father and am working on the mechanism to allow that to happen over the web. Currently there is a list of speaking engagements and articles he has written listed and please feel free to continue to request copies of his work by emailing me at this address. God bless you all. -d